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《乔治和曼迪的头婚生活》  前情提要

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托德  这两位是曼迪和小乔治

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-小乔治·库珀？-是我

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你高中是在梅德福高中读的吧

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等等  你们不会是同届的吧

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所以结婚是啥感觉啊

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就像你和你女朋友同居了

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她很老啊  你不觉得怪吗

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她可不老  只是年纪比我大

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还有啊  别让她听到你说她老

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你妹妹是不是今年刚上高一啊

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我们刚刚说过了  年纪大的更好

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电影《亡命大煞星》

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你晚饭想吃点啥

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我要喝的  只要威士忌

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我当年很迷史蒂夫·麦奎因

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两者皆为美国演员  曾是夫妻

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我当年喜欢的是艾丽·麦古奥

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我以前很喜欢《全面回忆》中有3个乳房的火星人

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确实  她太特别了

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你们好恶心

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放心  我很满足于你的那对

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谁这么晚了打电话来

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哈喽

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哦玛丽  是你啊

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他在

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你母亲打来的

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你还好吗

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不  很不好

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米希又闯啥祸了？

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我今天提早从教堂回家

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发现你妹妹和一个男生在她卧室里

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不是吧

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发生啥了

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他们俩上床了吗

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准备要上了

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什么意思

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地上已经有脱下来的裤子了  我就说这么多

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快告诉我

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她撞见米希带男孩回她房间

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有其哥必有其妹

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不好意思啊老妈  你为啥要告诉我呢

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我得找个人倾诉啊

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所以你怎么处理的？

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你以为呢？

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我脱下鞋子打了他

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-她啥反应？-用鞋打了他

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你想让我和她谈谈吗

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你准备说点啥

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不知道  结婚前要洁身自好这种话么

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说的好像你遵守了一样

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别搞错了  我是想帮你的

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你还记得当年你捉到你女儿带男孩会她房间吗

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你指哪一次？

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等等  有多少次？

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你继续和你妈说

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喂

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那男孩是谁

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我已经跟他母亲告过状了

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那边已经处理好了

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行

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我现在不知道该说啥了

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我会为她祈祷的

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还是为我祈祷吧

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在她40岁前  我都不会让我女儿离开我视线一步

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那就50岁前

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乔治和曼迪的

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第一季  第十七集

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本字幕由  VAR-is-shit  原创译制

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你们有哪些派？

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苹果派  蓝莓派  核桃派

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有红薯派吗

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我刚刚有说到吗？

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没  所以我才问啊

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你到底要不要吃派了？

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把选项再告诉我一遍

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我来给你选  你就吃苹果派吧

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-你想来点止疼药吗？-不用了

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你没事吧

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有事

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说来听听

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我那蠢儿子跟着一个淫娃回她房间  被当场抓包了

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真的吗

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然后我被那女孩的宗教狂热的娘臭骂了一顿

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不会吧

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她甚至还朝他扔了鞋子

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不是吧

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你们俩聊够了吧  我派呢？

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工作顺利吗

90
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很顺利  听着

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你还记得我的同事兼朋友贝丝吗

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-记得  -记得她儿子托德吗？

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记得  他有辆越野摩托车  我还挺喜欢那孩子

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你先等我说完

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谁啊

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小乔治·库珀

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托德不在家

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兄弟别装了  我不会打你的

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-保证吗？-快开门  托德

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我发誓啥都没发生

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那为啥地上已经有脱下的裤子了？

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只有我的裤子  不是她的

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那也不行  我之前和你说过别碰她

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我忍不住啊  我很喜欢她

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我不管  她对于你来说太小了

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你也比你老婆小很多啊

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你想让我揍你一顿吗

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拜托  你就没有恋爱过吗

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你才没恋爱呢

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你咋知道没呢

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我像你这么大时  我爱上了每个愿意亲我的女孩

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她的吻技真是一流

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离我妹妹远点

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-就算在学校吗？-没错

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但我们俩在学校戏剧社是表演搭子

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我不管

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没有亲吻戏的  我们演的是《推销员之死》

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说了不行就是不行

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我以为你很酷呢

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我还以为你很酷呢

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谢了  哥们

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-离她远远的  -行行行

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小乔治还有件事

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啥

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就是想和你说一声

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我本来是打算用安全套的

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我要宰了你

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你为啥不告诉我那个淫娃就是你老公的妹妹

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等等  她才不是淫娃

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-真的吗？-真的

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这是她的目标  但她现在还不够格

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你为啥不告诉我呢

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我不想让我们俩的关系变得奇怪

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你是指你老公来我家威胁我儿子这种奇怪吗？

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你说得对

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你让小乔治离我儿子远点

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你让你儿子离米希远点

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我的天呐  曼迪  他才十多岁

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你应该最懂青少年了

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真好  边吃晚餐边看女子摔跤

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喂

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嗨  米希

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你说我不在家

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他在呢

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喂

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就是你让托德离我远点  你以为你是谁啊

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我是你哥  保证你安全是我的责任

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我们是做了安全措施了

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我已经知道了

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别对我的生活指指点点的

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否则我永远都不会联系你了

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我爱托德  他也爱我

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你无法改变这一点

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嘿

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你咋了

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我正式降级成白种垃圾了

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我们出发吧

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去哪？

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-墨西哥  -为啥？

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因为我们相爱了啊

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好啊

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又怎么了

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喂

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米希在你那吗？

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没有  她不应该在你那吗？

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我准备睡觉的时候她还在家  现在她跑了

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你等等  有电话打进来了  也许是米希

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喂

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小乔治  我是贝丝

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嗯  米希在你那吗？

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不在  她和托德离家出走了

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你等等

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妈  我知道米希在哪了

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感谢上帝

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你先慢点谢祂  她和托德离家出走了

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他们去哪了？

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你等等

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他们去哪了？

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-墨西哥  -天呐

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他们要在那结婚

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天呐

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嘿  你在给谁打电话

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贝丝和我妈  你先等等  你再等等

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他们跑去墨西哥  准备在那结婚

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我知道  不是刚和你说了么

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你等等

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他们要去墨西哥？

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是的  你等等

189
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你等等

190
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妈？

191
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-我在  -墨西哥

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-啥？-他们跑墨西哥去了

193
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墨西哥？怎么去的？

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你等等

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别再让我...

196
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-贝丝  -我在

197
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-他们怎么去墨西哥的？-开越野摩托车去的

198
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-越野摩托车？-他们开了越野摩托车？

199
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那玩意开得到墨西哥吗？

200
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可以  那辆雅马哈YZ250可好了

201
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-喂  -抱歉  你等等

202
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别让我...

203
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妈  我们刚说到哪了？

204
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-他们怎么去墨西哥？-开越野摩托车

205
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她有头盔吗？

206
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我去问问

207
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你别再让我等了

208
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赶紧找到他们

209
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没问题

210
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贝丝  你别担心  我会找到他们的

211
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希望如此

212
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我脑子快转不过来了

213
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我太开心了

214
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你说啥？

215
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开心！

216
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先别急着开心  我车快开不动了

217
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他们跑墨西哥去了？

218
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是的

219
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开越野摩托车去的？这玩意能开多少里程？

220
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比你想得要高

221
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而且时速能达到每小时八九十公里

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真的吗？

223
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那只是单缸车  难道...

224
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这不是重点好吗

225
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你在给谁打电话？

226
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能帮上忙的人

227
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喂

228
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鲁本  我是小乔治  我需要你帮忙

229
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现在几点了？

230
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我不知道  我妹妹离家出走了

231
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和一个男孩跑去墨西哥了

232
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所以你打给我干啥？

233
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因为你是墨西哥人啊

234
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老兄  我是波多黎各人

235
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啥时候的事？

236
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从娘胎里出来就是了

237
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:23,660
波多黎各不是墨西哥的一部分吗？

238
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,750
我的老天爷诶

239
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,100
不是

240
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:26,950
但你说西班牙语啊

241
00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:28,320
墨西哥人不都说西班牙语么

242
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,750
电话给我

243
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:30,790
抱歉打扰你了  鲁本

244
00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:33,450
你老公真是头蠢驴

245
00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:36,050
确实

246
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,930
好  所以我们从哪入手？

247
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,430
他们很可能前往边境小镇洛斯因迪奥斯

248
00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,390
那辆雅马哈加满了油也跑不了那么远

249
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,300
我们可以在一些加油站问问  也许有人看见他们了

250
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,360
所以你就打算直接问路人

251
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,690
有没有看到过两个蠢蛋开着越野摩托车？

252
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,660
你有更好的主意吗？

253
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:03,750
你继续说

254
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,660
那臭小子  我已经警告过他了

255
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:11,710
米希也有过错

256
00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:13,380
是的  但我又不能揍我妹

257
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:15,710
也许你可以帮我动手

258
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,980
你有意识到吗？你和他说离她远点

259
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:20,460
会让他们俩更加性奋的

260
00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:21,500
咋啦

261
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,430
我们俩结婚一半是因为我妈恨你

262
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:25,890
一半  这么多吗？

263
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,380
行吧  是没这么多  但不能忽略这个因素

264
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,730
我忍不住在想未来某一天

265
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:34,820
我们也会在大半夜开车

266
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,520
去找丝丝和她的男朋友

267
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,910
这事很可能发生

268
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,430
我还以为你会反驳我呢

269
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,740
我很想  但是如果她没长残

270
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:45,870
我们就完了

271
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:48,010
那就希望她长得丑一些

272
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:55,400
主啊  请让米希安全回家

273
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,890
好让我宰了她

274
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,800
我对抽烟以及刚刚那句祈祷说声抱歉

275
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,370
这种不眠夜逼得我没办法

276
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,590
相信你能理解

277
00:12:08,370 --> 00:12:09,460
喂

278
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:10,420
玛丽  我是奥德丽

279
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:11,850
你有什么消息吗

280
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:13,980
没有  我只想关心一下你

281
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,540
我估计你肯定没睡

282
00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:19,400
谢谢你的好意

283
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,580
我记得阿曼达十几岁的时候

284
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:23,710
我也度过了一些不眠夜

285
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:27,150
我自己在那个岁数也是同样的德性

286
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,720
不过我起码是和孩子她爸开摩托车跑的

287
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,250
谁会开越野摩托车离家出走啊

288
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:36,070
我们从青少年一路走来真是个奇迹

289
00:12:36,070 --> 00:12:37,510
能养育他们这么大也算奇迹

290
00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:39,600
你蛮可怜的

291
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,380
米希的确听起来很难搞

292
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:46,950
她才15岁  而且她这一年过得很艰难

293
00:12:46,950 --> 00:12:48,170
当然

294
00:12:48,170 --> 00:12:52,440
你过去一年也算在地狱里走了一遭

295
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,350
你说啥？

296
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,140
我是指曼迪非婚生女

297
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,180
那也是你儿子撒谎在先

298
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:03,580
他当时也只有十几岁

299
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:05,540
他们俩都很不负责任  我们已经讨论过了

300
00:13:07,070 --> 00:13:09,580
你没事就好

301
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,980
感谢你的来电

302
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:14,020
如果你有任何事  你知道我家地址

303
00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:16,240
-谢谢您了  -不用谢

304
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,550
-晚安  -你好好睡觉

305
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:25,380
那女人气死我了

306
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:26,900
我想好好和她说话

307
00:13:26,910 --> 00:13:28,910
她直接拿我话来怼我

308
00:13:28,910 --> 00:13:30,520
毕竟她今晚过得很艰难

309
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,560
那她也没必要把气撒我身上

310
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,570
所以你当好人反被攻击？

311
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:37,960
我真想知道这是什么感受

312
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:40,440
抱歉

313
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,440
上床  我们睡觉吧

314
00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:47,190
我激动到睡不着  都是她害的

315
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:50,490
也许你可以穿着这身睡衣扭扭身子  也让我激动激动

316
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:53,670
吉姆...

317
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:56,150
我只是想让你放松下来  当我没说

318
00:13:57,630 --> 00:13:59,460
还是放松一下吧

319
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:01,980
好啊

320
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,030
我只是利用你来缓解我的不开心

321
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:07,420
没事

322
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,510
总共12块5毛2

323
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,130
我身上只有10块  你呢？

324
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,690
你就带了10块？

325
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,390
我妈要周六才给我钱

326
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:22,430
所以我们要怎么赚钱？

327
00:14:22,980 --> 00:14:23,690
我不知道

328
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,210
你不知道？你怎么可以不知道？

329
00:14:27,390 --> 00:14:29,820
跑去墨西哥可是你的主意

330
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:31,390
你现在怪我咯？

331
00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:33,570
你年纪比我大  钱的事应该你考虑才对

332
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,180
现在我告诉你  我应该想啥

333
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:37,090
我怎么就会让你嫁给我呢

334
00:14:37,090 --> 00:14:39,490
我怎么就答应了呢  你还一股孩子气

335
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:40,700
我一股孩子气？

336
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,380
这包花生糖可是你买的

337
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:46,800
不  我准备要买这包花生糖

338
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,890
但我未婚夫买不起

339
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,930
行了  我们也别订婚了

340
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:52,280
我宣布摈弃这段关系

341
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,110
你摒弃这段关系？

342
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,630
什么意思

343
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:57,720
意思就是...

344
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,060
我也不知道  我电影里看来的

345
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:02,860
混蛋

346
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,120
啥？你才是大混蛋

347
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:08,300
“摒弃”就是“拒绝”的意思

348
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,610
如果你们想知道的话

349
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,340
别担心  我们会找到他们的

350
00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:19,560
会把他们安全带回家的

351
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:21,650
我们会把米希安全带回家

352
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,390
把那小子扔沙漠里算了

353
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:28,960
也许这是我的错

354
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:30,570
什么意思？

355
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:33,220
我向我爸承诺过我会好好看着米希

356
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,750
然而你看看现在发生了啥

357
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,230
自从他去世之后  米希被学校停过课

358
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,880
还文过身  现在干脆离家出走了

359
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,490
你别责怪你自己了

360
00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:43,410
你没法24小时都在她身边转

361
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,930
你说得对

362
00:15:44,930 --> 00:15:46,980
我只是觉得我让大家都失望了

363
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,110
我保证你没有

364
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:50,240
谢谢

365
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:56,490
第1季第5集

366
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,590
话说来  文身那件事算我的锅

367
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:54,980
啥？

368
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:56,490
是我带她去的

369
00:15:58,550 --> 00:16:00,040
你为啥要带她去？

370
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:03,620
我现在在思考我为啥要告诉你这件事

371
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,390
感谢主

372
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:19,140
嗨

373
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:21,180
-你还好吧  -还好

374
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,050
-你结婚了吗  -没有

375
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,270
怀孕了吗

376
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,810
没有  我们分手了

377
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,750
小子  你可是有大麻烦了

378
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,930
妈  别吼我嘛

379
00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:36,060
我刚刚失去了我一生的挚爱

380
00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:37,710
我可伤心了

381
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,370
省点眼泪吧  那蠢蛋不值得

382
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:43,500
我就知道我不应该回来

383
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,720
但你还是回来了  我要好好收拾你这个小混账

384
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:46,810
脏话都说起来了

385
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:48,860
滚回你房间

386
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:52,510
你还抽烟？

387
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:53,600
真是树立了个好榜样呢

388
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:55,210
滚

389
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,730
你有看到过两个开越野摩托车的小孩吗？

390
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,180
一个是长这么高的15岁小姑娘

391
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:10,710
还有一个是头发乱糟糟的  瘦瘦的  人见人揍的小流氓

392
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,230
嗯  他们几小时前来过

393
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:14,240
我们接近了

394
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,880
很好  我们走吧  我们可以在边境附近赶上他们

395
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,230
我们这么警惕  丝丝不会有任何机会干出这种事的

396
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:19,800
我们俩太聪明了

397
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,410
下一站  墨西哥

398
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:29,370
我不明白了  照道理我们现在应该已经赶上他们了

399
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,940
我们就应该随时停下问路的

400
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:34,770
我们连具体目的地都不知道

401
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:36,510
别吼我啊

402
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,010
糟了

403
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,010
怎么了

404
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:42,510
我车快没油了

405
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,390
你不是吧

406
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:47,000
我们路过了八九家加油站呢

407
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360
抱歉  我满脑子都是米希

408
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,690
天呐  我们要死在这了